once I thought...

Reaching the halfway point to a year here in the tropics is causing me to reflect. How wonderful I always believed it would be to live here. I envisioned a life full of laughter and tons of time with friends. I thought we would change the world together. I wished that my American friends had the dedication and gumption to follow Christ the way I remembered from my earlier mission trips... I always put my memories of this place on a pedestal. I blamed my lack of motivation on the American churches' format and on Western culture. It is amazing how blinded I was by youth... It was magical to be here because it was my first taste of living on my own.

I am so happy to be here, but at times I am ready to go home. To go back to Portland. Life here is hard, and now that my friends are all grown up with families and children we are not that much different from people in the States. There are a lot of things that take up our time, and we have trouble balancing all of the responsibilities. I hate seeing people I love be affected by severe poverty. I hate knowing that families I care about regularly go without food. I hate watching children I love suffer abuse at home. I understand that this happens in the States, too, and I am not trying to give up the romance of one place by romancing another, BUT it is so in your face here. It is everywhere I look. The divide between the haves and the have nots is huge and frightening. We live in the desperation that is left behind.

So how do I offer hope? How do I even speak Christ into this place. Jesus help me to be your light in this darkness.